Post your corny jokes - Page 288

**Jonno71** · November 30th, 2011, 02:16 PM

According to the Goverment, the sector have gone on strike.

According to the public, they've gone Christmas shopping.

**Jonno71** · November 30th, 2011, 02:19 PM

Shall we have a Twitter strike aswell? Just harnessing the momentum?

"What do we want?" "More than 140 charactors" When do we want it?" "N

**Eric Cartman** · November 30th, 2011, 02:22 PM

15. Santa *remembers* it's Christmas. 'Nuf said.
14. Reads children's letters in office instead of in bathroom.
13. Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that's the problem!
12. Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, "Regis and Santa Lee."
11. Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.
10. "Mrs. Claus" wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a '68 El Camino.
9. A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.
8. Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.
7. Bowl full of jelly, my ass. It's water retention.
6. Constantly whining about equality until it's time to clean out the reindeer stalls.
5. Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!
4. No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.
3. Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops.
2. The North Pole Blockbuster's been out of "The Horse Whisperer" for weeks.
1. With the way they build chimneys these days you'd *have* to be Calista friggin' Flockhart just to get in!

**Jonno71** · November 30th, 2011, 02:22 PM

I'm always on my cell phone.

There's not much to do while in prison.

**gedly** · November 30th, 2011, 04:38 PM

I went round to my mate's house the other day and he said "Come on in, I've got a cup of tea going spare if you want one". I sit myself down and when he gives me the tea I say " This cup of tea doesn't look particularly angry to me".

**Jonno71** · November 30th, 2011, 05:10 PM

BBC NEWS "Volunteers fill in as UK Border Agency staff take part in national strike."

What! we have a UK Border Agency?

**Jeff Vader** · November 30th, 2011, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by photoflex

They lost the thread, it's all spinning out of control...

after a quick car chase they managed to get someone to pullover

emexem · November 30th, 2011, 05:42 PM

A nun gets in a taxi and 5 mins into the journey the driver says "I have always wanted a bj from a nun". The nun replies "if your single and catholic then i will do it for you".The driver cant believe his luck and tells the nun that he is single and catholic.Once the nun has finished the taxi driver breaks down and starts crying "please forgive me sister but i have lied, I am in fact married and a protestant" "its ok" replied the nun "Im Kevin and im on my way to a fancy dress party"

**Jeff Vader** · November 30th, 2011, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff Vader

after a quick car chase they managed to get someone to pullover

Was this posted in the right thread ?

kennyjackson · November 30th, 2011, 06:56 PM

There's a local story about a man who sued his wife for divorce after 17 terrible years. The man claimed that every night his wife would take bottles of his Heinekens from the frig and beat him mercilessly with them. Finally having had enough of this abuse, the man finally convinced a judge that he needed to get away from his wife because he was being beer-battered.

November 30th, 2011, 02:22 PM	#2873
Eric Cartman Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: The streets of Butter Nuts, New York. Posts: 11,082 Thanks: 97,294 Thanked 435,152 Times in 14,497 Posts	Top 15 Signs Santa Is Actually A Woman 15. Santa remembers it's Christmas. 'Nuf said. 14. Reads children's letters in office instead of in bathroom. 13. Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that's the problem! 12. Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, "Regis and Santa Lee." 11. Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, still insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve. 10. "Mrs. Claus" wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a '68 El Camino. 9. A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice. 8. Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly. 7. Bowl full of jelly, my ass. It's water retention. 6. Constantly whining about equality until it's time to clean out the reindeer stalls. 5. Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that! 4. No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer. 3. Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops. 2. The North Pole Blockbuster's been out of "The Horse Whisperer" for weeks. 1. With the way they build chimneys these days you'd have to be Calista friggin' Flockhart just to get in!

November 30th, 2011, 05:42 PM	#2878
emexem Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Youthenasia Posts: 296 Thanks: 13,665 Thanked 7,270 Times in 289 Posts	A nun gets in a taxi and 5 mins into the journey the driver says "I have always wanted a bj from a nun". The nun replies "if your single and catholic then i will do it for you".The driver cant believe his luck and tells the nun that he is single and catholic.Once the nun has finished the taxi driver breaks down and starts crying "please forgive me sister but i have lied, I am in fact married and a protestant" "its ok" replied the nun "Im Kevin and im on my way to a fancy dress party" Last edited by emexem; November 30th, 2011 at 05:48 PM..

November 30th, 2011, 02:16 PM	#2871
Jonno71 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Right here... Right now. Posts: 1,497 Thanks: 8,831 Thanked 75,959 Times in 1,503 Posts	According to the Goverment, the sector have gone on strike. According to the public, they've gone Christmas shopping.

November 30th, 2011, 02:19 PM	#2872
Jonno71 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Right here... Right now. Posts: 1,497 Thanks: 8,831 Thanked 75,959 Times in 1,503 Posts	Shall we have a Twitter strike aswell? Just harnessing the momentum? "What do we want?" "More than 140 charactors" When do we want it?" "N

November 30th, 2011, 02:22 PM	#2874
Jonno71 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Right here... Right now. Posts: 1,497 Thanks: 8,831 Thanked 75,959 Times in 1,503 Posts	I'm always on my cell phone. There's not much to do while in prison.

November 30th, 2011, 04:38 PM	#2875
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,883 Thanked 69,318 Times in 3,171 Posts	I went round to my mate's house the other day and he said "Come on in, I've got a cup of tea going spare if you want one". I sit myself down and when he gives me the tea I say " This cup of tea doesn't look particularly angry to me".

November 30th, 2011, 05:10 PM	#2876
Jonno71 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Right here... Right now. Posts: 1,497 Thanks: 8,831 Thanked 75,959 Times in 1,503 Posts	BBC NEWS "Volunteers fill in as UK Border Agency staff take part in national strike." What! we have a UK Border Agency?

November 30th, 2011, 06:56 PM	#2880
kennyjackson Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 398 Thanks: 465 Thanked 3,771 Times in 380 Posts	There's a local story about a man who sued his wife for divorce after 17 terrible years. The man claimed that every night his wife would take bottles of his Heinekens from the frig and beat him mercilessly with them. Finally having had enough of this abuse, the man finally convinced a judge that he needed to get away from his wife because he was being beer-battered.