A bit of advice needed.

[TedDrake]

Hi Everyone,

Takes a lot for me to post this, but I feel I need some advice.

My life is pretty full at the moment. I'm holding down a full time job which takes up around 40-50 hours per week, including shifts.
When I'm not working, I care for elderly relatives and that takes up most of my spare time. I rarely, if at all, go out and get the chance to meet anyone.
I'm 35 and I'm desperately lonely. I've tried internet dating with no replies after about 5 years of trying on a load of different sites.
My last relationship ended when I was rejected in favour of another bloke, and it ruined my self confidence - so even if I did meet someone I wouldn't know where the Hell to start.

I just wondered if anyone else has ever found themselves in a situation like this, and if they do, how did they get out of it - and how did they actually go about meeting and connecting with someone of the opposite sex?

Sorry guys, I just need a bit of advice.

Apologies if this is in the wrong place.

Ted

[seany65]

I'd like to help, but I don't really know what to say.

Maybe on these websites don't mention being lonely, just mention being so busy at work and looking after reelatives that you don't get out as much as you'd like. Maybe mention that as things are, you're not particularly looking for a long-term relationship, but if one were to develop then that would be alright too.

If any women reading that, don't think that you're hard-working, caring and considerate, then maybe they ain't what you want anyway.

[sandhunter]

Ted you might be in the perfect situation to meet a lot of single women and not even know it , there are loads of single nurses out there just looking for a responsible person like you, unless you are lucky and your relatives are healthy , so look around the next time you go to the hospital or doctors office

[Rogerbh]

This is probably pretty stereotypical, but go to church. There are always old ladies trying to fix people up.

Also lower your standards.

Do those two and you will end up spending time with a woman. Whether you like it or not, time will tell.

[Sir Honkers]

Originally Posted by seany65

Maybe on these websites don't mention being lonely, just mention being so busy at work and looking after relatives that you don't get out as much as you'd like.

Very sage advice. Nothing is more off putting that needy desperation.
My youngest daughter met her husband on eHarmony, so it does work, and I used to worry about her. She wanted Mister Perfect.
Still, she did find him, so I guess there is something to be said for not compromising.
But her attitude was always 'put yourself out there...and if you find true love that's a bonus'

[old alal]

Ted, who looks after your relatives while you are working? Perhaps they could do a couple of extra evenings so you can go out, and don't spend too much time on here chatting to us wasterells

Good luck

[TedDrake]

Thanks chaps - I appreciate it's something that doesn't often get raised on here - if anything VEF is a massive help when it comes to relieving stress and being in a community of like minded people. I appreciate all your comments - and maybe it is time to be a bit more confident.

[bigtrain45]

Confidence is crucial. You've got a full-time job. Maybe you don't like it much, but you've got one and many do not. You're taking care of your relative, which means you're caring and responsible. Most women like this. If you try another web ad, stress how busy and full your life is, and that you're looking for someone to make it complete. And if you choose to look for some short-term action in your local, if you decide to chat someone up, look her in the eye and ask her about herself. She'll be happy to talk about her problems, and you'll know by how much she asks you about your life whether she's interested or not. Good luck.

[old alal]

Ted, just a thought to add to bigtrain45's post which like others on here are full of good advive. The "short term" part of his post doesn't have to be the way. Many long term relationships start at the local, at the supermarket, at work, in the park, in a taxi queue, in face everywhere. Confidence, without being pushy is the key, as is being yourself. If you happen to make someone laugh (even at your own expense) tops it off for me, but I remember a phrase a much admired former boss of mine told me "no one has ever got a leg over without first having a few knock backs"

I know for you it is not just a "leg over" but the principle is the same. Have an excellant New Year.

[rubberjohnny]

Ask women you know for advice, they'll love helping. You never know they might feel sympathetic enough to have sex with you. Or maybe you could focus on other stuff that would probably be more fulfilling and easier to attain.