Post your corny jokes

[Eric Cartman]

Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened".

To show you the strangeness of today's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.

So...half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.

And as for gifts...why, he'd never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur...
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales...while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone might get hurt,
besides - playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn't figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay,
but you must have to admit he was having a very bad day.
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone, everywhere...even you!
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...


"MAY YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES, ENJOY PEACE ON EARTH"

[cuzzyman927]

Originally Posted by Estreeter

I went to a Christmas party, drove there as I didn't plan too drink alcohol.

Well, After 2 bottles of whiskey and a few beers I could barely walk, So instead of driving the car home I took a bus,

So proud of myself I was about that as I'd never driven a bus before

That one has similarities and reminds me of these little diddies I once heard. They're a little corny I admit, but after all, "corny jokes" is this thread title ...

I just flew in from Las Vegas last night, and boy are my arms tired!

I did nothing but hang around the house all day and my neck is killing me!

I dropped in on an old friend today and is my ass sore!

[Jeff Vader]

My mum just can't get on with her new stanna stair lift.

It's driving her up the wall.

[Jonno71]

How come presents from Santa always have barcodes on them?

[Jonno71]

Looking forward to tonight after scoring some drugs for the two of us.

Viagra for me. . . . . . Rohypnol for her.

[Jonno71]

This weekend, ITV are going to sensationaly make a human being - vanish.

By announcing the winner of this years X Factor.

[Jonno71]

While Shepards wash their socks tonight upon the river bank.

The Angel of the Lord came down and taught them all to wank.

[Jeff Vader]

Was once guilty of being married to two people at one time so I turned myself in.
That was bigamy

[Jonno71]

The Christmas tree went up tonight.

Shame it took the fecking house with it.

[Jonno71]

My missus has asked for rough sex tonight.

Took me ages to track some down, but I have some sandpaper comdoms to test out.